Saturday, July 23, 2011

Live From Geek Mecca: San Diego Comic Con Day 2

Playwright Leonard Xavier Schwartz blogs from Comic Con San Diego International.


On Day 2 of San Diego Comic Con International, Playwright Leonard Xavier Roberts Schwartz shares his unabashed joys and annoyances once again, this day with high-fives from Andrew Garfield (the new Spiderman), Hollywood royalty ala Spielberg, and a touching moment with Dave Chappelle.  If you missed day one of Lenny's travel log check it out here, and look for more rants and reflections as he continues to share his Comic Con experience with us over the next few days on Dreaming Genius.

"Crazy for Comic Con."

I have seen T-shirts saying that exact phrase all over San Diego today.
 
And it's true.
 
And I think it's true about me. I have finally caught a venereal disease and this one is airborne for sure. This disease was started by Arnold Schwarzenegger I think and his Republican army. And there is only one thing I can say to it all.


I am fucking tired.

Yet I am still about to do something fucking CRAZY.

But tired in a good way. As today was one of the best days ever in my experience at Comic Con. I'll make it as quick as I can as I need to go to bed shortly...only to wake UP AND DO SOMETHING FUCKING NUTS. 

More on that in a bit. 

Today we started out by going to HALL H...THE LEGENDARY HALL H!!! Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson were there at Eleven am for the Tintin panel...going to be packed right??? 

Nope.  

We got there about nine thirty and had no problem getting in...and even got fantastic seats! 

And so they come out. Peter Jackson I saw a few years back and he was cool...he is still cool and even talked a bit about The Hobbit again...and how much fun he is having with it. 

And Spielberg? 

Man, he was amazing. After watching a montage of his good work (Jaws, Raiders, ET) and leaving out the crap (Indy 4, War Of the Worlds) he comes out, and man, he makes me feel
like I was Dawson Leery all of a sudden and I just sullied my pants for the first time. No, not with poop. Yes, your mind just went to a dark place. 

We watch Tintin footage and it looks like Herge's artwork has come to life...and it's very impressive. Not sold on it yet but it's getting there for me. I'll see it. Spielberg is pretty cool and talks about Jaws and ET and the crowd digs him. He talks about how he was going to direct American Beauty but didn't...(maybe it wouldn't have sucked so hard...or suck less than it did). And then he drops the prehistoric bomb heard around the world: 

He's doing Jurassic Park 4

Now let's be clear, because the media misinterpreted what he said...he just commissioned a script for 4. He is NOT directing...he will hire somebody else to direct it. And lets face it...it's going to suck anyway. But yeah Jurassic Park is coming back in another 2 to 3 years...and you know why? 

3D.  

Oh they are not saying it....but think about it: 3D and franchise names? TOGETHER AT LAST???? 

Easy money. Even easier with a known property. So all of this BULLSHIT about the story and THE FANS WANT IT is all just a lie.  A THREE DIMENSIONAL FUCKING LIE. With no reach around from Lou Ferrigno. 

But Spielberg himself is warm to the fans as is Jackson, and I respect that. That and Spielberg celebrates Hanukkah. As do I. And I am sure that Fucker knows where the best lox and bagels are in time...He' STEVEN SPIELBERG FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!   

I really liked him though. GREAT guy. 

Man, I am about to do something nuts. I am tired. but I have to do it. 

Now onto another addition to the SHIT LIST: 

STEVEN SODERBERGH. 

HOLY SHIT. 

Has anyone ever heard Steven Soderbergh talk? Well I'll tell you....Listening to Steven Soderbergh talk is like playing with a vibrator when the battery is running low. You have fits and starts and you want it to be fun...but in the end you end up more frustrated than when you started. 

He's in town to promote Haywire, His new action movie starring Gina Carano. And She shows up with Channing Tatum. Soderbergh is such a snooze, even Channing Tatum looks drowsy. The actors were okay and did their best...but the panel was a dud. The movie looked okay and may be his best quite frankly since The Limey (Lem Dobbs wrote both), but we'll see. They should have waterboarded Soderbergh in my opinion. Because he obviously didn't want to be there. And he should have stayed home and masturbated to Oceans 12...Oh wait he did that when he made it. 

Next up was Underworld 4. Kate Beckinsale came out with Michael Ealy and Len Wiseman...and it looked like the other three: loud, obnoxious and full of leather. Kate was nice though and really is as nice and as pretty as she is on TV...no real flaws. She probably eats infants to keep young. I held my baby Callie close during this panel. 

Speaking of which...Callie was a delight. She sat there and enjoyed herself. She clapped and said yayy!!! whenever the audience did. It was pretty awesome and I am a lucky guy. 

Next up was Attack The Block. Yes this is a movie. And it looks pretty cool. It may sound like shit now...but you will hear about this. Edgar Wright Produced and he was there and nice as could be.  

Next was Fright Night in 3D!!! Yup. Because we give a shit! But it was a fun panel. Colin Farrell came out and he was hilarious and fun. Director Craig Gillespie was there and he was okay along with Anton Yelchin who finally learned to get his hand under control (I met him in 2008...and he looked like a lunatic). Marti Noxon was there. The only cool thing was the moderator... 

Original Fright Night star CHRIS SARANDON. 

That was cool...but we'll see. For some reason the panel had the same feeling as when I deal with my cat...after he is trying to cover up a turd. Yup. Same feeling in the room today. 

After that we had 30 Seconds or Less which had a GREAT panel...Aziz Ansari was there with Nick Swarsdson and they were fun. Then we had the Total Recall panel where Kate Beckinsale came back out of her Barbie box again and Jessica Biel came out of hers...and then BRYAN CRANSTON was there (He was great) as well as star Colin Farrell (Again). 
It looked better than I thought it would. And then the worse panel of Comic Con came up.

Ghost Rider 2

The people who made cinematic classics Crank and Gamer, Neveldine/Taylor are directing this shit fest. They came out...along with the biggest douchebag ever to grace Hall H, Nicolas Cage. 

I actually felt bad for Cage. He is a douchebag sure...OKAY THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER...but here's the reason why it's not his fault.  

I noticed today that Nicolas Cage isn't very smart. 

WHAT???? HOW DARE YOU SCHWARTZ!!! HE HAS AN OSCAR!!! HE WAS IN THE ROCK!!! HE, HE...lost millions and went bankrupt...but HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT???? 

I'll tell you why I say this. Here are some quotes from NIC HIMSELF! YES I WROTE THEM DOWN AS I HEARD THEM...VERBATIM! HERE GOES!!!!  
"I, uh, I elected to do Ghost Rider 2 because of this idea in my head I couldn't...let out! And it festering in there like a gnat. I realized I had more to bring to the character. and now everybody benefits." 
"There was a snake on this film I really likes. Is that snake here. No? Well, THAT would have been fun." 
"I consider the first Ghost Rider a family film. It's good for all ages." 

OKAY STOP RIGHT THERE...WHAT?????? A FAMILY FILM??? YEAH LET"S HAVE A NIC CAGE FAMILY FILM DOUBLE FEATURE WITH THAT AND LEAVING LAS VEGAS!!! YOU FUCKING SCHMUCK!!!! LET"S PUT ON WILD AT HEART FOR THE ELEMENTARY KIDS IN AMERICA!!!! GOOD IDEA!!! 

And these are the people we look up to and aspire to be. 

So I rocked Callie to sleep twice off to the side away from people. She wasn't loud but she was tired and I was still able to see everything. And one guy took notice. One guy who was a couple of rows in front of me. And that guy was Dave Chappelle. 

Dave walked over to me and said "Man your daughter is beautiful" and I said "yeah she's a keeper," and just as he was walking away I realized who it was. Then everyone crowded around me asking "What did he say? What did he say?" It was awesome.  

The last panel I saw was for Spiderman...now I have been skeptical about Andrew Garfield. So the panel starts and this guy was running around in a really crappy Spiderman costume...giving people , including me, high fives. He approached the question area and steps up. He asks the director Marc Webb (500 Days of Summer) if he can be Spiderman, as it has been his dream. He takes off his shitty mask and underneath...Was Andrew Garfield. And he was Wonderful. I won't repeat what he said but he was so endearing he actually made me cry. And not just me. Others in the room as well. He was so sincere and he is just a guy who got this opportunity, and made me feel like I was seeing Peter Parker again for the first time. And the footage looked REALLY good. Thumbs up for Spiderman

Crazy for Comic Con. 

I think I may be fucked in the head. I am about to take a nap and then leave my hotel in the middle of the night and do something I have never done before. 

I am going to stand in line and try to get my tickets for next year.  

It's going to be fucking hard to get them, but I have to try. I am going to go out in the middle of the night, get in line with all of the fucking TWEEKS, and fight for my AMERICAN RIGHT TO PARTY. I may have an advantage. Here's Why: 

1. I never sleep...I can do a lot on very little sleep. 

2. I am an anorexic. Fuck. We are DETERMINED IF NOTHING ELSE. 

3. I am from Rhode Island. AND NOBODY FUCKS WITH RHODE ISLANDERS. 

Why am I doing this? THIS IS INSANE!!!  

IT"S BECAUSE I AM FUCKING NUTS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE IN THIS JOINT!!! 

I DON'T DO DRUGS DRINK OR COMMIT BESTIALITY ON THE SABBATH. 

I GO TO COMIC CON. 

AND I AM CRAZY FOR COMIC CON. 

More tomorrow!

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